Learning to take a compliment 🙈

Why we're so bad at receiving love, and how to get better

I once sat in a meeting with my business coach when she did something that perhaps shouldn’t have surprised me, but did, somehow.

I was new to the coaching program, so I was encouraged when, during the course of the meeting, a more seasoned client told her success story and heaped praise onto my coach, complimenting her teachings and thanking her for all the wise guidance.

When the client finished talking, my coach, who had been listening and smiling, put her hand on her chest and said, “Thank you saying that. I’m really receiving it into my heart.”

I was struck. I’d never simply received a compliment so fully and gracefully. Instead, I typically had an aw-shucks-it-was-nothin’ kind of energy or a oh-it-wasn’t-really-me-you did-all-the-work kind of response.

How often do we do this swatting away of love, rather than letting it in?

Maybe we have people who compliment us at work, who say they really want us to come to their gathering, who send us happy birthday wishes, who cheer us on when we’re down. But, if the story that we are telling ourselves is:

They said it because they HAD to—they’re my mom/ dad/ spouse/ sibling/ coach/ client/ boss/ friend. Maybe they said that, but they don’t really mean it. They wouldn’t say that if they only knew how screwed up I really am.

The praise and loving energy bounces right off us. It doesn’t penetrate. We don’t actually receive it—and we continue to feel lousy, broken, and unlovable.

(Of course, it could be true that some of the time, some of the people are insincere or have ulterior motives—they’re trying to butter you up to get something they want—but to apply that blanket assumption to all loving interactions distorts reality and makes you certain about something you can’t be certain about. We can’t—despite best efforts—read the full minds and hearts of other people.)

So, if we’re willing to drop the resistance for just a moment, how do we actually let love in? How do we receive it?

Luckily, I’ve found that letting love in IS something that can be learned. I often work on it with clients. We do exercises in session, and I offer practices, resources, and readings. We talk about all the resistance that comes up and what that might be about.

But through it all, I stress two things:

One, learning to receive love takes time, practice, and repetition. You might say “May I let love in” to yourself every morning for months and feel like nothing is changing…until, one day, it does—a little bit. Then, a little more. And over time, you feel different.

Two, even the WISH to let the love in comes from a loving place inside of us. It is the part of us that wants our own happiness, peace, and fulfillment. If we can notice and acknowledge that part of us, we start to see that we’re not just empty, rotten, or broken. WE are the loving presence we’ve been waiting for—the one that knows us inside and out and still wishes for our happiness.

If you want to explore how to let more love in, let’s talk. Apply for a free Get Acquainted Call with me here.